The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
