Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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