I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
