btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize