remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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