Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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