I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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