he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
