I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
