I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
