Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
