my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize