Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
