she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
