our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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