Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
