i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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