it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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