Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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