Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
