We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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