She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
