In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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