After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
