I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im six kinds of drunk right now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
