I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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