i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
