Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
