Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
