i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
