Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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