I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
