think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
