dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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