i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
