VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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