oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
