Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
a search helicopter?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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