I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
