are you still at the devil's house?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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