hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
