yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize