He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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