just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
