just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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