If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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