So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
