I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
