I looked at my own cervix.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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