dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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