yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
