This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
