it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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