You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize