when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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