bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
