some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
