I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was like eating out sand paper
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize