i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
