Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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