that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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