he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
