She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
