I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
