hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
