i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
