I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
