Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
