I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
